Mutuality refers to the give and take that is found in any sustainable marriage. Debates continue to rage over the question of who should be the “leader” in a home. But I think it’s the wrong question. In a Christian home, there are not leaders but servants. Husband and wife serve together. They serve one another, each according to his or her strengths and the needs of the family.
For those who aspire to mutuality in their marriage, here are seven signs of mutuality in a marriage.
1. Both partners have a voice.
Mutuality means seeking out your spouse’s opinion, listening with an open mind, and respecting his or her perspective. It means expecting your partner to have something valuable to contribute to most any discussion or decision.
2. Both partners take ownership and responsibility.
While there may be some areas where the wife takes more responsibility, and others where the husband does, mutuality means being willing to pick up the slack for your partner at times, and to do it without grumbling, because it’s important to you too.
3. Both partners have the opportunity to pursue their interests and gifts.
Neither partner will have their passions stifled, but both will be given the freedom to pursue the kinds of work or ministry they love. Each has the opportunity to make a difference in others’ lives.
4. Both partners receive satisfaction in their roles.
We all have to do some things that we don’t necessarily like to do, but in a mutual relationship, both the husband and wife assume roles that generally fit who they are and what they’re good at. Partners divide or share unpleasant tasks in a way that doesn’t leave one partner feeling trapped.
5. Both partners have the opportunity to enjoy life.
Neither the husband or the wife receives priority when it comes to experiencing the pleasures life has to offer. Both have time and space to enjoy hobbies and other activities that bring peace and joy.
6. Both partners receive love and encouragement.
Mutuality means that neither spouse is starved for affection or support. They give each other love and encouragement, and they do it generously, not stingily or begrudgingly.
7. Both partners receive grace and mercy.
In a mutual relationship, both partners are ready to offer forgiveness when it’s needed. Neither partner has to be anxious about being judged or condemned.
Of course, what I’m describing here is the ideal, and probably no marriage fully measures up. But the more that you build this kind of mutual regard into your relationship, the more you will be assured of a fulfilling, sustainable marriage.
Continue the series: Habit 3 – Seven Ways to Seek Virtue in Your Marriage