There is a way to talk politics without sacrificing your friends and family—or your spiritual health—in the process.
This week, I invited Christians on my Facebook page to reconsider how the church engages in politics. I think the church should not be fully aligned with either political party. Instead, it should be an independent force, capable of speaking truth to both political parties.
My posts generated a lot of discussion—some of it healthy, some not. So, I decided to share some thoughts about how we can talk politics in a healthy way without making enemies.
1. Be Who You Are.
God created each of us in God’s own image. As a result, we have the capacity to think and speak for ourselves. We can give ourselves permission to be who we are, rather than trying to fit into a certain mold. Hiding who we are actually damages our spiritual health, because it prevents us from becoming who God made us to be. Made in God’s image, we can take up space and use our voice. We can speak out on issues that are important to us, even if it might make others uncomfortable.
2. Be Respectful of Others.
If we don’t want to make enemies, however, we need to let others be who they are too. We all have different perspectives and opinions. That’s okay. We don’t have to be the same. And we can still talk politics without dismissing the other person as ignorant or evil. Most people who talk politics have reasons behind their opinions. We respect people when we seek to understand what makes them think the way they do. Respect builds relationships and supports our own spiritual health too.
3. Be Humble.
Let me clear about what I mean when I say, be humble. Humility is not about assuming a false front of self-deprecation. Humility is to recognize that you may very well be wrong. We are all limited in our understanding and experience. None of us sees perfectly. We all have blind spots that keep us from seeing what other people may see clearly. So, leave open the possibility that you may learn something through political talk.
4. Beware of Your Preferred Party’s Ideological Narrative.
Political conversations are frequently driven by one-sided narratives. These narratives are stories designed to control how people interpret what they see and hear. If we lean toward one party, it’s often easy to see the other party’s narrative and how it is used to distort the truth. But it’s even more important to recognize our own party’s narrative and how it also twists the truth. If we accept our party’s narrative without question, we will inevitably twist the truth in the same ways the party does. We may even end up calling evil good and good evil.
5. Be Aware of Other’s Comfort Level.
People have different tolerance levels for political conversation. While it can be good to gently challenge people to think differently, it is not helpful to continue to push someone beyond their comfort level. Pay attention to when the other person may be done, and then stop. Respect his or her boundaries. Learn to be comfortable with letting the other person have the last word.
6. Be More Interested in Relationship than Being Right.
I’ve long appreciated Rabbi Edwin Friedman’s advice for any situation where disagreement arises: Define yourself, and stay connected. It’s important to be who you are—and to let others know who you are—but it’s just as important to remain connected with the other person. Avoid the temptation to “win” an argument by demonizing a friend or loved one. When we demonize, we shut down relationship. So, if talking politics is damaging a relationship, stop talking politics. Relationships are more important than proving you’re right.
What I’ve said applies to generally healthy relationships. If a relationship becomes abusive in any way, staying connected may be the worst thing you could do. If you find yourself involved in an abusive relationship, I urge you to reach out to a reliable source for help.
7. Seek Common Ground.
Too often, people talk politics with a goal of winning an argument or asserting superiority over the other person. A much better way is to talk politics with a goal of finding common ground. Partisan politics, with blind allegiance to an ideological narrative, always divides. By stepping outside the narratives and finding common ground, we can talk politics without making enemies.
Now, of course, I can’t guarantee that you won’t still make enemies. A lot depends how the other person responds. But I can guarantee that you’ll never go wrong putting people over party .
As always, there is much more that could be said. Bottom line, though, as you engage in politics, beware of partisan politics. They encourage us to see the world as us vs. them. They can twist our perspective and give us a sense of self-righteousness, superiority, power, or dominance. So, when it comes to healthy relationships and spiritual wellness, partisan politics really are not our friend.
Instead, focus on finding mutual faith, hope, and love. And infuse your relationships with the fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such there is no law. (Gal. 5:22–23)