In the last post, I indicated that desire is the key battleground for fidelity. If that is the case, then it is important that we learn how to focus desire in our marriage.
Embodied life will always include attraction.
To lose the capacity to recognize and be attracted by beauty would be to become less human.
And growing in holiness is about becoming more human not less.
In Appreciation of Attraction
Start with the truth that every person you encounter every day for the rest of your life is a person who was created in God’s image.
Perhaps a bigger surprise than that you find others attractive—even though you’re married, even though you’re a Christian—should be that you don’t find more people attractive. That we tend to only see people with certain physical characteristics as attractive says something about us, and I’m not sure that it’s a good thing.
But that doesn’t make it wrong to appreciate physical attractiveness. Imagine not having the capacity to see the beauty of a snow-capped mountain, or not being drawn in when the sunset paints the sky and ocean with its seemingly unlimited palette of colors.
What makes marriage special and unique is not that I’m the only one in the world whom my spouse finds attractive, but that out of all the remarkable people God created, she chooses to spend her life with me.
The Deception of Desire
The problem is not that we find others attractive. It’s when we let our attraction lead to desire and pull us away from the one whom God has already given us to love and cherish.
The key to faithfulness in marriage, then, is not to try to eliminate your natural attraction to others. The key is to keep the desirable from becoming the desire of your heart. It is to take all your desires captive and to let them come quickly to focus on the person to whom you’ve already made a lifelong commitment.
In a world full of attractive people, it is to choose to desire only your spouse.
7 Simple Affirmations to Focus Desire
With all of that in mind, I offer seven simple, positive thoughts to focus your desire on the person to whom you’re married. These are thoughts you can think deeply on and call to mind when you’re tempted by the sight or thought of another.
1. I love my spouse and want to have a healthy, lasting marriage.
2. I have one life to give, and it is already promised to my spouse.
3. God made so many wonderful people; I’m grateful he gave me my spouse to love and cherish.
4. I will not break my spouse’s trust and our relationship.
5. My spouse possesses unique value; there is no one like her (or him).
6. Since I’m already married, I cannot be what’s best for another person.
7. My spouse is worth a lifetime investment.
And perhaps you can think of some more of your own.
Continue the series: Habit 5c – Seven Practical Ways to Redeem Your Desire